All Things Chill

No iTunes. No movie clips. No dvd’s. No fans. No iPod. Closed window. No roommates. Just the sound of my laptop whirring away as I type, and ice clink-clink-clink-ing in my glass of iced tea.

I never really get to sit in such silence. I surround myself with music and background noise so much that all this quiet has become special to me. A lot of us do that. We immerse ourselves in a world of distractions, making certain that our minds are preoccupied to deter the thoughts that would actually invoke the wrong kinds of emotion: Fear, Disgust, Anger, Mistrust, Helplessness…

I have spotted my times of weakness. I speak of the times where I catch myself walking through the sludge that has accumulated in my mind over the years. It doesn’t happen often (only because I do not allow myself to), but when these small ’self-reflections’ occur, I am overwhelmed with uncertainty and my eyes begin to water. I will learn to cherish these times and embrace them as who I am; however for now, I am content just to be.

Showering for longer than 12 minutes. Sketching with a set of 64 or more crayons. Driving long distances with a dead iPod and nothing else to listen to. Sleeping in a bed that is not my own. Driving past a cemetery. Reminiscing of the good times I had in past relationships. Walking into an empty house. Washing the rice a second time before cooking it. Making dumplings. Shoveling the driveway. The third cigarette in front of a hotel. The ending credits of a sad movie. The last sip of gin. Sunset.

This entry was posted on Sunday, March 20th, 2005 at 10:08 pm and is filed under Streaming Conciousness. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.